Wayne | Ep 2: “No Priests”

Wayne | Ep 2: “No Priests”


( motorbike engine roaring ) ( guitar intro plays ) ( rock music playing ) We gotta sleep too! Huh? My ass hurts! Huh? ( engine rumbling ) My ass hurts. ( Del sighs ) ( grunts and
breathes heavily ) ( exhales ) Fuck! ( rock music resumes playing ) We’re sleeping
at some point, right? We should
probably sleep soon! Dead fucking leg. Fuck. ( grunting ) ( bells chime ) It’s, uh… for your butt. ( rock music resumes playing ) ( birds chirping in distance ) ( grunting softly ) What’s all this shit? Breakfast. I made, um, breakfast. Good. ‘Cause I ain’t eating
that goddamned jerky again. -Thanks.
-Welcome. This chicken? No, rabbit. -What the fuck’d you say?
-Well, rabbit. ( snippets of rock music
playing ) ( spits ) What the fuck, Wayne? ( theme music playing ) ( siren whoops ) Geller:Okay, uh…( groaning ) Okay. Hey, Sarge, we got a pro… -But, wait now, I wasn’t–
-No, it’s the most natural
thing there is, Sarge. Don’t say nothing.
I understand. -Listen to me, Jay…
-I go to the Evidence Room when
I wanna handle mine, so… -Stop, Jay.
-I just stretched
outta my gourd… Jay! I was checking myself… for cancer. You got cancer, Sarge? No, I didn’t say that, Jay. My Aunt Linda just had cancer.
I can’t go through this twice. -Listen to me, Jay.
-( crying ) This world
is a nightmare. -It’s a goddamn nightmare.
-Jay. Jay!Will you please just…explain to me why you
burst in here like that? ( sighs ) Sorry. Well, Bobby Luccetti’s
out front.You know that guy,
he’s a prick
eight fucking ways.
Long story short, he says
some kid came to his house and assaulted him and his boys
in their own home, and maybe kidnapped
his daughter.Now, for all we know,
she could’ve ran off
with the kid.
But, either way, she’s 15,
so, we have a situation. Now, you know I wasn’t
masturbating, right? -( pop music playing on radio )
-( indistinct chatter ) ( sighs )
So, uh, here we are. Yeah. Yeah. ( chuckles ) -waitress: You guys know
what you wanna drink?
-both: Yes. Uh, coffee. Coffee? How old are you? I don’t know,
how old are you? Well, you’re a little young
to be drinking coffee, is all. And you’re a little old
to be wearing that choker,
is all. But the heart wants
what the heart wants,
right, Tracey? Coffee. You? Uh… Coffee. Thank you, Tracey. I’m gonna get waffles. -Is it good?
-Waffles? Yeah. Are they good? -You ain’t never had
a goddamn waffle?
-I don’t think, no. Jesus fuck.
You’re like “Encino Man.” -What’s that?
-It’s a movie. You’ve seen a movie
before, right? -Yeah, I’ve seen a movie.
-All right. Well, this one is where
the Hobbit guy from
“Lord of the Rings” finds a caveman frozen in ice
and then he unfreezes him
back alive, but he’s a caveman, so he
doesn’t know what anything
in the modern world is, so the Hobbit guy
teaches him how to,
like, skateboard and shit. What’s “Lord of the Rings”? Shit’s sake. All right, walk me through
the incident, please. Okay. Kid, I don’t know,
16, 17 years old, -breaks into my fucking house.
-Uh-huh. Bobby:And he assaults
my boys over there,
busts up a perfectly
good Zenith, and he bites off
my fucking nose. -Jesus.
-Yeah.
-( speaking indistinctly )
-Bobby:And now,
this little cocksucker
is out God knows wherewith my daughter doing
God knows fucking what. Well, this is not good. -( speaking indistinctly )
-Bobby:No shit, Sherlock.Look, are you gonna put
somebody on this or what?
Because I was
watching “Dateline” and they said that the first
48 hours are the most critical
or some shit like that. Bingo. Bobby: Bingo what?
What bingo? You got something? Life throws unexpected things
our way. But if we stay on course
and be brave… How in the world… You have my word,
Mr. Luccetti. I’ll find your dog. -Dog?
-That’s our sister. This is my fucking daughter
we’re talking about. Everything will be okay. ( Teddy and Carl
speaking indistinctly ) Oh, heinous motherfucker! ( music continues playing
on radio ) So he died, like, yesterday? Yeah. Well, are you gonna, like,
go back for the funeral
or whatever? Uh… No. -I don’t think so.
-Don’t you wanna, like,
I don’t know, dress him up in a suit? Have some priest say some shit
about God and stuff? I poured gasoline on the house
and him and lit it on fire. Okay. No priest then. ( music continues playing ) So, uh… -This car…
-My dad’s car? No, the one outside
with tits on it. The one you dragged me
outta my house in the middle
of the night to go get. It’s in Florida? -Yeah, I’m pretty sure.
-You’re pretty sure?
But you know where
we’re going, right?
Like, you have an address? Well, the city.
Or town. Yeah. I gotta go to the bathroom. Come on, you piece of shit. ( clattering ) ( whispers ) Wayne! Psst! Wayne! Come here. -What’s the matter?
-I need you to buy me
some tampons. I, uh… You don’t know what
a tampon is, right,
Encino Man? Yeah, yes,
I know what one is.Okay, great. I normally
would’ve packed some,
but I guess I forgot.
So, I’m gonna please need you
to go across the store
and buy me some. And some pants.
Sweatpants. Yeah, I’ll… These are my only pants
and they currently look
like a fucking “Saw” movie. Oh, for shit’s sake,
Wayne, just go. -( rock music playing )
-( sighs ) ( softly ) Oh, fuck. Welcome to Health Rite… Just looking. That lube is my favorite. For your ma or your sister? Uh, a girl. Girl… friend. She’s a girl. I hope so, or else,
those won’t work. It’s okay. So, how bad is it? -Huh?
-Her period? I need to know if you wanna
bring back the right ones. Uh, she said it was like
a “Saw” movie. Super plus it is. Thanks. You don’t answer
my texts now? I can’t text you at work.
You know that. man:Don’t lie to me.What are you looking at? Go jerk off to
someone else’s girlfriend. Go ahead, kid. It’s all right. man: Listen to me,
you fucking bitch. ( both arguing indistinctly ) Listen to me,
you fucking… Look at me! I texted…
( continues indistinctly ) I’ll also take
that bike lock, and that aluminum bat. ( fast-tempo rock music
playing ) man: ( screams )
I’ll fucking kill you!
You motherfucker!
No, not my bike! My baby! Please! I’d like to return this bat. ( knocks on door ) Del. It’s me. Wayne. I have the… things. Del? ( jazz music playing ) ( sighs ) Tracey: I don’t think
she’s comin’ back, kid. -More coffee? ( gasps )
-No. Fuck! Shit! Holy shit! Kid! -Fuck! Didn’t that hurt?
-Yes. You don’t like coffee
all of a sudden or somethin’? I haven’t tasted anything
worse than coffee. But you drank
three cups earlier. Oh, shit. You got it bad
for that bitch. As much as I don’t
like that cooz… Okay.Okay.Does she have a place
she runs off to
when you guys fight like this? She into flowers or jewelry? I’m not from around here. I met her yesterday. Oh. Oh, shit, man. Okay, so, a girl that age,
alone, probably heads home,
if she got money on her.There’s a bus station just…Oh, she’s right there. That bitch steal
one of my smocks? Del. Del. -Hey.
-No. -What?
-You left me. -No, I didn’t.
-It’s been an hour,
you left me. Well, I went to the store
to get your things, and there was a guy
being mean to a lady, so… -At this store?
-No, a different store. Well, I told you
to go to this store. -I did, then I went
to another store.
-Why? -I couldn’t buy ’em
at the first ones.
-Ones? How many did you go to? -Three.
-Three? Why? ‘Cause it’s weird, okay? -For me.
-Weird? It’s weird for you? And you can lay
my brothers out,
you can… You can bite
my dad’s goddamn nose off, do whatever you did
to that guy who was being mean
to some lady. And how’s he doing,
by the way? -Not good.
-Yeah, not good.
Of course he isn’t. You could do all that,
but you can’t buy me
some fucking tampons? I cannot believe
I came here with you. -And you don’t even know
where the hell we’re going!
-Del, Del, we’ll find it. All right? I promise. Who even are you anyway? You burn your own house down. And that jacket.
What kind of weirdo
wears that jacket? I mean, what the fuck
even is it? A shark in some sort of
Japanese sunrise? Shit! You shouldn’t be doing that. -Stealing.
-No! You don’t tell me who to be.
I am fine… Will you move?
I can’t yell at you with those
fucking tits over your head. You know what, fuck this. Don’t follow me. ( soft instrumental
music plays ) -kid 1:Look for some cash.
-kid 2:I’m looking,
I’m looking.
Hot stuff. This looks cool, yeah. Corey: ( chuckles )Sweet.( snippets of rock music
plays intermittently ) Run! -Don’t kill us, I have money.
-Wayne: I’m not gonna kill ya. Okay. ( unzips bag ) Sweet jacket, man. Take it. Sweet. I saw that bikini in your tent.
Is that where you take
the girls and, you know… -Kill them?
-It’s my girlfriend’s. Was. I had a girlfriend once.
Had tits when she was ten.-Dude, are you talking
about my girl?

-She was my girl first. Yeah, and she dumped you. So, what happened
to your girl? You guys
should leave now. You begged her to stay, right?
Because girls, they want you
to fight for them.You know?She told me not to follow her,
so I didn’t. You have to follow ’em. ( sighs ) How far is the bus station? You’re out of gas.
We tried to steal
your bike earlier. But the station
will take you, like,
30 minutes. Or you cut through
the golf course,
there’s a hole in the fence, you’ll be there
in ten, tops. No, do not listen to him.
Jamie, shut it, man. -Why?
-Because Lee Fucking Murray. Who’s Lee Fucking Murray? Lee Fucking Murray is the guy
who protects the golf course. -From what?
-Kids who take shortcuts. It cuts 30 minutes off
your walk to school. I heard he killed a kid once. Rumors. But he totes worships Satan. I’m saying don’t,
because he has a gun, okay? -Big mistake.
-But you said I should
fight for her. Holy shit, he’s going. Corey:I’m telling you,
don’t do it.
Seriously, big mistake. Hey,hombre.You on my grass. -( gun cocks )
-Now it’s your ass. Put it down. I’m about to
light you up, boy. ( rock music
continues playing ) -( gunshot )
-( grunts ) You got him fucking killed. -Jamie: Go, go, go!
-Run! Holy fuck. ( indistinct announcement
over PA ) ( baby cooing ) ( mouthing ) Fuck you. woman:Next.Fuck. Oh, fuck. -I’m going on break.
-The fuck you is. Rick’s still doin’
his meditating. woman: ( over PA )
…147 to Atlantic City will be
departing from lane four.
How can I help you? One ticket to Los Angeles. Why you going to California? Why you got so many jobs?
Crack habit? That’s it. It’s on. ( rap music playing ) Tracey! I hope you got
Obamacare, bitch. Hope you got Medicare,
you old fuck! What the fuck am I doing?
You’re like 90 pounds soak– ( grunts ) ( both grunting ) ( siren whoops ) ( birds chirping ) Lee:Hey.Motherfucker. You know it’s illegal, right?What you did, trespassing?You came at me,
so this is on you, bitch! Okay. So you gonna
shoot me again? This is rock salt. These aren’t real bullets.
So don’t go around
telling people! And those are? ( exhales )
You really fucked
shit up for me, my dude. ‘Cause, you know, these loads,
they don’t usually do what
that one did to your face.Knocking you out?I mean, you must have caught
a big piece or something because the worst I ever did
is put a few ugly holes
in an ass. ( breathing heavily ) -What the fuck!
-( chair clatters ) -I’m fairly upset.
-Me, too. So here’s what’s up. If you say anything
to anybody, and something happens to me
because of this, law-wise or whatnot… I mean, I got boys. And those motherfuckers
will come to your house,
your family, and then… It’s outta my hands. ( door opens ) Why is he still here? I thought I told you
to take care of it. Lee: That’s Kyra.
My old lady. Both because she’s
my girlfriend, and the fact
that she’s, like, 30. Shut the fuck up. I got you some veggie curry
from that place you like. She’s a vegan.
And a Satanist. So? What happened to our plan? I think he got
the message. I mean, you got the message,
right, kid? We talked about this.
We can’t let him go. Baby, he’s gonna be cool. You just got that
fucking bracelet off
your ankle, Lee. What, you wanna
go back inside?
Lose your goddamn job? -He’s not going
to say anything.
-“Say anything.” Look at him. Look at him.
He’s a goddamn kid. You think his parents
are just gonna be like, “Oh, yeah, no questions
asked, just finish
your fucking cereal.” And then if he goes to
the hospital and the doctor
asks him what happened? -( scoffs ) He’s like 15.
-Sixteen. -And he’s gonna
start bawling…
-Kyra! No! No! You promised me. You swore to me in front
of your fucking mother that we were gonna go out West,
we were gonna turn
this shit around. We were gonna play
“The Price is Right,”
win a whole bunch of money, and start over. We should give him
another chance. You wanna give him
a fucking chance? All right. We’re gonna play
a fucking game. ( chuckles ) Your hair. Thanks. woman: ( over PA )
…or securely tied
cardboard boxes.
Please check your tickets
to make sure you know your
size and weight guidelines.
Where’s your parents? I don’t know.
Where’s your parents? I don’t have any. Foster kid.
You ever had to do that? It always felt like
a job interview but, for, like,
love or somethin’. And I tried, you know?
Get good grades.
Look real pretty. Be good. Eight different families deep,
I decide, fuck this. I’m gonna be the one to leave
before they say, “Go.” woman: ( over PA )
Now boarding Compton Express
with service
to Albany, Syracuse…He hates coffee. -What?
-Your boyfriend. I tried to pour him
another cup and he acted
like I pissed in it. He choked down
three cups for you. Stay out of my business. Listen. I’m forty… one. I have a new job
every two weeks and
a new boyfriend every other. Just don’t blow everything up
before it has a chance
to maybe be good. -( ice-cream truck
playing jingle )
-Oh, I’m getting ice cream. -Bobby:You ain’t getting shit.
-Carl:But, Dad,
it’s my own money.
You order any ice cream,
I’m gonna bury you
in this fucking parking lot. That money
is for scratchers. Hey. -You find my fucking daughter
or what?
-Where’s our sister, cop? -You know what, Dad,
I’m getting ice cream, okay–
-Shut the fuck up! Go be somewhere else! Now! Hey, so? Please have a seat. -What’s this?
-Geller:I have some friendswho can get information
for me very quickly,
and lets just say, I have some good news. Oh, yeah?
It’s about fucking time. What the fuck is this shit? I don’t have cancer. -What did you just say?
-Fuck him up, Daddy. Sit down.Please.What I’m trying
to tell you is that,
now that I beat this thing, I am ready and committed
to finding your daughter.And to finding this…( whispering )
This son of a bitch. This bastard boy. Yeah. God damn it,
this is my fucking daughter
we’re talking about, right? And I apologize
for any lack of focus, but now, this is my life. This is my mission. Getting your daughter back. Fucking A, okay?
This is fucking awesome news.
Awesome fucking news. Geller: Now, I’m gonna
need some information. What do we know
about this kid? Family? Friends? What’s his problemo? Well, before
this little cocksucker
stole my daughter, he burned down his house
and he burned it down
with his dad still in it.But truth be told,
the firefighter told me
that, uh,
the dad was already dead
before the house burned down. I don’t know, cancer
or some shit like that,
I’m not really fucking sure. -Did you say “cancer”?
-Yeah. You know what?
I gotta have a smoke. Can I fucking smoke here?
Shit. Hey, everyone,
my daughter got kidnapped, so I’m gonna smoke.
You can all fucking blow me. -( gasps )
-Cancer, you sure of that? Yeah. What’s your
fucking deal, hmm? Now, this boy… He’s obviously lashing out.
He’s in pain. You are fucking with me,
aren’t you? Maybe we should be
helping him. That’s it. -What did you fucking say?
-( Taser crackling ) Jay:This fucking guy.Teddy: Daddy, are you okay? Cannot believe you do this
after all you’ve been through with your cancer
and everything? Jay, there’s something
I forgot to tell you. -( rap music playing on radio )
-( singing along ) Stop. ( tires screech ) Hey. Where did you get
that jacket? -Uh… Uh…
-Are you Wayne’s girl? Yeah, who the fuck are you? -Um, I’m so sorry. I didn’t…
-He loved you so much. Jamie:I didn’t mean to.
It’s just…
Corey:We just…Don’t try nothing funny. So, if he wins… We let him go. If I win… we don’t. What are we playing, guys? Simple. You do what I do,
but better and faster,
you go home. You ready?
My curry’s getting cold. I guess. Put on some fucking music. One, two, three, go. ( charged rock music
playing on speakers ) Your turn. What the hell is this shit? -Hey.
-Hey. Oh, great, now we’re gonna
have to kill her, too? She your friend? Little girl come
to big boy play, huh? Come on. You don’t even know
how to start that thing. ( laughs ) ( sighs ) I can see
my goddamn breath in here.
Can we put on a fire? Why don’t you learn
how to cut wood and stop fucking nagging me? ( motor rumbling ) ( motor starting ) Now, I’m gonna
cut your dick off. Wayne: No. Wait. -I didn’t get my turn.
-What? ( screams ) Jesus Christ! ( motor revving ) -( screaming )
-( gunshot ) ( screams ) Ah! Fuck!
( yelling in pain ) You fucking cocksucker! ( grunting ) Fucking bitch,
get the fuck over there. Don’t. I have to, though, don’t I? No, you don’t. ( panting ) Tracey: Northside, bitch! ( grunting ) ( panting ) ( sighs )
So, what do you guys
wanna do now? Wanna get high or something? ( rock music plays ) This is how it’s gonna go. We’re gonna be
friends first. I’m not, like,
breakin’ up or… We’re just gonna
take things slower. And then, we’ll see. I’m weird,
fucked up, so… I stabbed a knife
through my own hand. I don’t wanna be a 41-year-old
single crack-head waitress
with regrets. Me neither. Del:How much farther we got?Florida? I got a postcard
with the town we’re going to.
We’ll buy a map. Tell me you didn’t
fucking lose it. What? You’re not
pressing charges,
tough guy, huh? You’re going through a lot
right now, Mr. Luccetti. It’s understandable
you would be emotional. Your daughter out there
with that boy
whose dad had cancer. I recently got
a second chance myself,
so I’m feeling generous. That’s fantastic. What are you gonna do
about my fucking daughter,
hmm? Yeah, what the fuck
are you gonna do
about my sister? I’m gonna find her
is what the heck I’m gonna do. Yeah, well… Thanks for nothing. Hernandez:Geller?I got something
to help you guys out. The sketch of the boy’s penis? I’m not sure how
that helps us find him. No. This. I don’t think the kid
meant for this to be in here, but I’m pretty damn sure
that’s the kid’s mom.It’s been a long time
she’s lived in my building,
but I’m almost positive
that’s her. And look where
it’s stamped from. “Ocala, Florida.” Huh. It’s somethin’. Dad, can we stop for pizza
or something? I haven’t
eaten in, like, all day. Teddy: You fuckin’ liar,
we had chicken parms. Shut your fucking mouths
and get in the truck.
We’re going to Florida. Yes. That’s what
I’m talking about. -Thanks.
-Hmm. Jay:I pulled his file.This kid has got
a really bad history. So what you thinking, Sarge? Second chances. ( mellow music playing ) ( music continues ) ( music continues ) Del:Next on “Wayne.”Holy shit.
We made the news. Here’s what we do.
We come up
with a cover story. I’m Angelica. This is… Uh… John? Wayne’s my boy.
Whatever you think he did,
he’s innocent. You do know that
he burned down
his house, assaulted a man,
and kidnapped
his daughter? Do you know how many times
I tried to help that kid? -So, we’re doing this or what?
-Wayne. Yeah, listen to your sister.
Don’t get yourself killed.
Whoo! -( police siren blaring )
-This is your idea
of lying low? Stop! Stop! Hey. I got you. Come here. I think I shit my pants.

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