I have been online dating for almost 20 years.
And it’s on online dating that I met my current boyfriend.
By the time I met him, I actually had to review 15 000 profiles.
As online dating is becoming the most common way to meet a partner, there is a high chance
that either you or your friends are currently online dating or will soon.
I am here to help you avoid having to go through 15 000 profiles before you find the right
one. I’m going to share with you a proven method that is going to allow you to create
a profile that is going to act like a magnet to the best possible matches out there.
[cheers] Thanks! [laughter]
But let’s get started! Who never was on online dating?
Ok, quite a bit.., quite a bit. Alright, so I need to tell you that among
the vast majority of profiles, there are some profiles that will make you think that some
people do come from slightly different planets, remember the video (shown) before.
You might face cat lovers that think that more is more.
Or little mermaids playing in the water. [laughter] You might find that actually posing with a
tiger is pretty fundamental. Maybe they are trying to tame the tiger. If you don’t have
a tiger … …. you just make it happen! [laughter]
No excuses allowed, ok? [laughter] And then you might find that sometimes, you aren’t speaking the same language than other users. [laughter] Out of those absurd moments, I created a blog and this blog is called Where the F is Romeo?
As I was putting together this blog, I found myself really interested actually by online
dating from a societal point of view. I read articles, watched documentaries, I even consulted a psychologist to really understand the deep dynamic of online dating.
What I also did was to go on forums, reading about it, reading about people and their experiences.
And what I found was that there were hundreds of people really disappointed with the online dating experience. There were people that never got an answer to any of their messages. People who went to memorable dates, but which were memorable for the wrong reasons. And then simply people that never found what they were looking for online. I started interacting with them, and trying
to understand what was behind that. Why them and not other people.
And what I found were two things. First of all, their profiles were always generic.
Yeah? You read one, you read them all. And for those who don’t have experience in online dating, I put together some examples. 1.85, speak Italian, English and French. Love
sports, going out, drinks, easy going and addicted to happiness. You want more? Love outdoors.
Travel, food, culture geek. Love to eat good food. [laughter]
I mean, to be frank, a part from the height and the languages spoken, who doesn’t recognize him or herself in those descriptions? I mean, I know I do and I think pretty much everybody do, so? With generic profiles it’s just very hard to meet a special person. So that was my first learning. The second learning was that part of the frustration was originated by a confusion. You see, people were trying to associate online dating to
a social environment they already knew (a bar or a party). But the truth is that there
is no such a bar with endless possible partners out there. However, while online dating is very different to a social environment we know, it is actually pretty close to a situation we encounter pretty often. And this is when we try to buy electronics, detergents, and hygienic paper (toilet paper)! Ok? So we have, we are trying to close a deal, so make a purchase, there are homogeneous products and competition is very high. And actually this is what’s happening in online dating. Here the deal is try to go on a date, among homogeneous profiles, in a highly competitive environment. As per detergents, with online dating we have
to find a solution to attract the user’s attention, and close the deal.
And you know very well what that is: Marketing. Marketing indeed is what helps differentiating products. It’s what drives people choosing one product instead of another.
By applying marketing principles to online dating, we are going to have a profile that
is going to attract people and attract the best matches among those people.
But enough of the theory, I know you wanna to get started with concrete stuffs.
So, let’s get started. Let’s imagine that you are a man on an online platform trying to meet a female partner, ok? As for every marketing idea, it always starts with one thing, and that’s the Brief. The brief here is: create a profile leading
to a great encounter. To deliver on the brief, most of you know
very well, we need to: Look at the target group, what’s the target
group definition, the needs and her barriers to trial. What are the points of parity? And
of course the points of difference. Let’s start with the target group.
Most men online think that their target group is a woman let’s say 30-35 years old single who wants to go on a date’. But which woman single 30-35 doesn’t wanna go on a date? (laugher)
Of course, we need to dig deeper. To save some time I decided that our target group is a woman that has a sense of humor, who is generous, she has a successful career, she likes mountain sports, and then watching fantasy and comedy TV shows.” [laughter] Now let’s have a look at her needs. Here again she doesn’t only wanna go on a date. It’s not that easy, unfortunately for men. [laughter]
So her needs, I decided that she is looking for a 30-40 years old man, who is funny of
course, who is going to support her and her career, a companion both at home watching TV and doing sport in the mountains and a person she could project herself into starting a family with. Now, barriers to trial.
Many men ignore that some women are on online dating platforms but still are reticent to
meet them. But you have me so now you know. You can run a consumer research, right? Talk with your friends that are part of the target group or similar to the target group. What
are the reasons they wouldn’t meet a person online and then offline.
And very often the word that is going to pop up is ‘weird’. [laughter]
What do I mean by weird? There are two fears. The first one is that it’s going to feel
weird to go on a date with a stranger. Second, there is the fear of meeting a weird guy.
And it’s a real fear. [laughter] It is very important we remember this when we are going to define our profile because we need to overcome this barrier. We need to reassure women, our target group that we are not weird.
Points of parity. The points of parity are the rules we have to follow for us to have
a chance of success online. Like before, you can run a consumer research, you can, you know, read from the experts and I have here 3 resources. Naturally my blog: you are going to learn what not to do. Don’t do what’s on the blog please.
Then you can read about the ABC Tinder experiment, and then you can read about Tinderhacks.
What you are going to learn is that the point of parity online is the profile picture. To
have a chance of success it needs to be high quality, you need to look good or at least
well groomed, the first pic needs to be you alone, and then the other pictures need to
show your hobbies. If you have a dog, or can get a dog, you throw it in the profile. [laughter] Because it is really going to increase the chances of open of your messages.
Now, I mean, I wanna, you know, get you, you know, ahead of the rest of the online dating
people. So I’m going to share with you my personal rules, ok? Those are real cases, [laughter] those are
real pictures. [laughter] If you recognize yourself in one of the pictures, I’m sorry, [laughter] I am sorry. And then I hope that at the end of this presentation
you will know what to do to fix it, ok? Ok, first rule. You need to show your face!
You would be surprised by the number of people not showing their face! I mean, your target group might love cucumbers, but you don’t have to put them on your face. [laughter]
Another rule is: don’t overdo it ! You need to cut through the clutter, but in
the right way. [laughter] Yes, I know, yes! When I look at this one I always think about Batman, yes. [laughter] But you think “no, these are exceptions!”. [laughter] Ok, ok,
ok. Another very important rule that is often
ignored: avoid toilets, ok? [laughter] Toilets no, no, not sexy yeah? [laughter]
And don’t hurt animals, ok? Please! [sad sounds]
Very well, back to the brief. What we need to do now is to look at the points
of difference. This is what is going to really make your
profile irresistible to the best matches in the target group, that’s why it is very
important. So the question we need to answer is “what makes you unique?” And there are actually hundreds of things
that make you unique. From the fact that you like spicy tartare in Paris, or that you went
to Patagonia last summer, or the fact that you need a double espresso with cinnamon in the morning to wake up. Even if it is weird, I mean, this is your thing.
You really need to spend time thinking about what makes you unique. This is the thing that is going to make the difference in terms of your matches.
I’ve decided, that as part of the exercise, what makes you unique are two things: you cook Italian food and you believe you are the best in town. And second you are the fastest skier of Switzerland. Yep, I decided. Ok, so, are you ready to look at the profile? [yes!] Okidoki. Alright, meet Alex. [cheers]
Let’s focus on the picture first. [whistle] Yes, very good picture. It has very nice lighting, it’s high resolution, he is alone and most importantly he is not in a toilet.
Now let’s look at the description. Worldwide champion of cooking lasagne while tumbling down a ski slope. I love recovering with marathons of The Walking Dead or Silicon Valley TV shows. The rest of the time I work in a law firm, spend time with my nephews and Peppa Pig, and walk my dog Joe. [laughter] He is ticking all boxes, right? [laughter]
He is funny, he is reassuring, he really looks like a normal guy. So he is overcoming those barriers to trial we were talking about. When we look at the other pictures, he is also
overcoming the barriers, yeah? He looks normal and he has a dog.
I know some girls are already checking online. Alex doesn’t exist. [sad sounds] I know,
I love him too. I created him so that you can see how marketing principles can be used on online dating. Now before you, and especially the people who recognized themselves in the pictures before, try to change your profile, I want
to leave you just with one thought. Online dating is raising and it’s here to
stay. I really believe that with marketing principles you can make it a fulfilling experience.
With a bit of luck, you could even find love. And for this reason I thought it was an idea worth spreading. Thank you!